After having two painful miscarriages we put having another baby on the back-burner. I knew I wanted to be a mom again, but I wasn't ready to risk going through all that disappointment again. So, as soon as we gave up on the idea of another baby God surprised us. Right after Christmas (after having the flu) I figured out that I was pregnant. I couldn't figure out why I was still feeling terrible...ta-dah...not flu...morning sickness...or as it affects me...all day sickness. We were cautiously optomistic and only told our parents. After the miscarriages I was afraid to even say "pregnant" out loud...to be honest it scares me even now. I am almost 16 weeks prenant, officially in the "safe zone" but I'm not sure when I will feel "safe". The morning sickness has passed and I feel great - which makes me nervous! Everyday I look at my belly and worry that it is getting smaller and fear the worst and my blood pressure seems to spike on dr. appointment days. I will say, I love my doctor. I loved Addison's baby doctor, didn't like the doctor with my second pregnancy and hated the doctor with my third pregnancy. My baby doctor now is so positive and kind and she understands my anxiety and goes out of her way to make me comfortable. I am so grateful for her and the nurses at her practice. One of the nurses gives me a high five everytime she sees me at the office and says "you made it another week darlin'". Unless you have lost a baby you don't understand the worry that comes with being prenant, I didn't worry at all when I was pregnant with Addi, now I am a ball of nerves. We waited until our 12 week appointment to tell Addi she was going to be a big sister. Ryan and her came in and listened to the baby's heartbeat...she was sooo excited....the first thing she said was, "is it a boy baby or a girl baby?!" I know she will be a great big sister and I can't wait to see my two babies together.
